Attachment, Relationships and Self Worth
Many people find themselves caught in recurring patterns of self-doubt, people pleasing, fear of rejection or relationship difficulties. Therapy can help you understand where these patterns come from and build greater confidence, connection and emotional security.
Do you find yourself stuck in the same relationship patterns?
Perhaps you worry about being rejected, need frequent reassurance, find it difficult to trust others, or feel anxious when someone seems distant. You might become highly sensitive to criticism, struggle to express your needs, or find yourself putting other people's needs before your own.
These experiences can be confusing and exhausting, particularly when you understand logically that your fears may not reflect reality, yet still find yourself reacting in the same way.
Often, these patterns are connected to what psychologists call attachment.
What is attachment?
Attachment refers to the way we learn to relate to ourselves and others through our early experiences with important people in our lives.
Our early relationships can shape expectations about:
Whether other people can be trusted
Whether our needs matter
Whether it is safe to depend on others
Whether we are lovable and acceptable as we are
These expectations often continue to influence relationships in adulthood, even when we are no longer aware of where they came from.
Do any of these experiences feel familiar?
You worry about being rejected or abandoned.
You need reassurance but still struggle to feel secure.
You put other people's needs before your own.
You find it difficult to trust others.
You overthink interactions and relationships.
You feel lonely even when surrounded by people.
How Attachment Affects Adult Life
Relationships
Repeated patterns, fear of rejection, difficulty trusting others.
Self-esteem
Feeling not good enough, self-criticism, comparison.
Emotional wellbeing
Anxiety, loneliness, reassurance seeking, low mood.
Identity and decision making
Our twenties are also a critical time for identity formation and making life-defining decisions. Young adults often grapple with questions of who they are and who they want to become. Sometimes this is layered with issues around self esteem and feelings of trying to impress or please others.
Meanwhile, at this age we often have to make big decisions. The fear of making the wrong choice and regretting decisions later in life can be paralysing. Therapy can be helpful to have someone impartial to help you think through what you actually like, value, want to do, and what your options are.
Dating and relationships
The pressure to be in a relationship or at least be dating often surfaces in our late teens and twenties. Sometimes people end up worrying about being single forever, or that they will never find “the one”. Dating can elicit very strong feelings in us, as it can feel like an exercise in being judged and sometimes rejected, with apps creating scrutinising and judging perspective as we have to assess and somehow market both our appearance and personality. Meanwhile, messaging platforms and social media heighten anxieties and can lead to obsessive feelings.
I help people to think about how their previous history of both family and other relationships can impact on finding and maintaining a relationship, whilst normalising just how hard all of this can feel.
Whatever you are struggling with, therapy can help you to feel less alone, better understand your difficulties, and start to take steps towards change.
About Me
I work as an NHS therapist for Cambridge medical students, and specialise in working with students and young adults.
I use cognitive analytic therapy (CAT), EMDR, compassion focussed therapy (CFT) and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) to work with anxiety, depression, and mood, relationship and trauma issues.
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